A light at the end of the tunnel

Well, long time no post, eh? I guess the benefit of not working in front of a computer all day is that ... I don't work in front of a computer all day.

So, I'm now into week 10/11 and I'm finally starting to think that maybe pregnancy isn't a contraption of the devil. Starting Tuesday or so, food has slowly started to taste the way it's supposed to. So far, it's like there's been a film on my mouth that makes food taste ... strange and bland. But yesterday I had some cereal and I couldn't believe that it tasted ... good! And how it's supposed to! My nausea is finally starting to wane too. It's definitely still around in the morning and right before bed, but it's manageable!

I'm now determined to try and eat healthy again (a shame our house is full of junk food right now, ugh). I've been noticing my body ballooning a little. I'm sure a lot of it is just fluids and bloating, but I know all that ice cream and carbs have not been going straight to baby. So this morning I had ... (drumroll please) ... OATMEAL!! My sweet, nurturing lover. Granted, I made the pre-packaged kind and not stove-top, but I made it and it was good.

In other news, I now own 3 maternity clothing items, courtesy of Kevin's mother. In fact, I'm wearing a maternity shirt today!! ... Okay, so it looks kinda silly on my cuz Im swimming in it, but its still pretty exciting. And, I have an official appointment on Feb 1st to "confirm my pregnancy". Exciting!!! I tried to find out if they'd be doing an ultrasound, but the lady was not cooperative. But at 10/11 weeks, I'll be able to hear my baby's heartbeat and everything. I think this appointment will really make this 'real' for me. It's a little scary, but I'm staying positive.

Well, now that I'm working at a gym, I guess I should start looking .. um, fit! Amanda and I are walking today and doing kegels! (not as weird to do with someone else as I initially thought). Ta ta!

Dream Deluge

The other day I received a package in the mail from my Mom. She had sent me 'What to Expect when you're Expecting', which was really exciting! I delved into the contents and realized that a lot of the minor symptoms I've been noticing are all documented there (metallic taste in my mouth, pain right around my tailbone, some cramping following a little 'special time' with Kevin, which are all totally normal!). It was really nice to have so many questions answered.

I've recently noticed another symptoms that, as far as I'm concerned, is one of the worst. Most people know I'm afraid of the dark, and that I typically suffer from insomnia. Well, now I'm also suffering from frequent and vivid dreams, often extremely stressful ones, and I wake up several times a night. Now, I eat pretty regularly throughout the day to fight my nausea, and most of the time I'll have a little ice cream about an hour before bed. Sometimes, though, for whatever reason, I'll have something heavier, and those seem to be the nights that I have the most vivid dreams.

I googled this, and it seems to be pretty common, but most people say they have dreams relating to their pregnancy. Mine are ... not. Let me give you a very brief synopsis of the dreams I had just last night, in the 6 or so hours I managed to sleep:

1. Sunny, post-apocalyptic landscape. Futuristic. We are exploring the remains of a mall, which turns into part of a cruise ship. We have to row a boat through choppy waters in a storm to escape.

2. Same cruise ship, I meet this androgynous person at an event for people to make auditions for single people. You know, those videos? This person is extremely coy, and trying to claim to be very old, but he's very young and attractive. I flirt with him, he's still being coy. We walk to an expansive room with a gorgeous view and tons of windows. His hair has grown long and white-blonde. He teases me and tries to get me to believe he's a woman. To prove I know he's got the right equipment, I kiss him. We end up naked in bed, and handsome, shirtless window washers cat-call me from outside. Kevin comes in, raving mad at this guy because he slammed Kevin's book shut sometime earlier in the day.

3. I'm at a video rental store. A little girl with a horrible mother wants to rent a video, but has no money. I let her take it. I walk outside and a hispanic guy in a navy uniform exclaims "OMG that woman has been bludgeoned to death!" and points to a prone figure by a planter. It's just a homeless woman napping. I get really mad and ask what kind of horrible person he is to make such a joke. He threatens me, and I run into a jewelry store and hide under a table. The woman there is his fiance. She's had enough of him. He's getting his gang together to beat me up. We get 100 people and start jogging together around the complex, I guess to hide me? A girl gets to close to me and I sucker punch her, thinking it's him. 

There were more, earlier in the night, but they're too hazy and weird to really explain. But I see these just as vividly as I did upon waking up. All of them were incredibly stressful, and I woke up out of breath each time. Needless to say, I'm pretty exhausted today.

I'm going to avoid eating much at night to see if that helps with the dreams. I've started eating fruits, milk, and good protein again! I hope to have vegetables again in the next few weeks.

Food, Glorious Food

Week 8 or 9 now. Out of what, 40? How do people do this?

Well, supposedly it gets better. I can't say for sure that my nausea/food aversions are going away, but they're changing. I am so sick to death of junk food. All I want is to eat is an apricot and some green beans. At the very least, this experience has showed me how much I take healthy eating for granted. To not have a choice? I don't think I could have ever understood that. I still don't think people believe me when I say I can't do it. You may as well be putting a plate of caterpillars in front of me.

However, I was really excited because, while watching The Legend of the Seeker yesterday, I got a craving for meat. Chicken, particularly KFC. REAL FOOD!!! I leaped on the notion before my fickle stomach changed its mind. I was tempted to get a healthy side, but I knew I wouldn't be able to stomach it. But I ate chicken! Nearly a whole breast! And we had mashed potatoes and Mac n Cheese on the side! Plus, of course, a biscuit. It felt nice to eat something that had some sort of nutritional value.

I'm back at work again today (3 more days!), and the hardest part, after having a 3 day weekend, was forcing myself to eat in the morning again. I swear to god, I won't even so much as LOOK at a bagel after this is over.

Misery Loves Company

I'm not much of a believer in fate, but I can't help and appreciate some of the circumstances surrounding my pregnancy. In a week, I'll be leaving my crummy job to start working at my local gym. The owners, Jason and Amanda, have become good friends, and knowing I want to be a personal trainer, are eager to sign me up.

Oh, by the way, Amanda is pregnant too. She's actually about 2 months ahead of me, but having a confidant has been one of the best resources I could ever ask for. It's hard to describe the symptoms to someone that hasn't experienced them without feeling lame, and having someone to validate my problems helps me not feel like such a whiner. As lovers of oatmeal, we both mourned losing the ability to eat it during the first trimester. We complained about the lack of fruits or vegetables in our diet, and poked our bloated bits from the excess salt.

Anyway, not only has Amanda afforded me a person to vent to, we've also become workout buddies. She approached me with the idea, and I thought it was great. We both have the same restrictions, and our fitness levels are pretty similar. Mondays and Wednesdays we do regular full-body workouts in the gym (Wed will be at the track once the weather gets better). Fridays we do an hour of yoga. During all the time, we've chatted about everything under the sun.

I just appreciate the fact that I'm going through this with someone else at the same time. She knew about my miscarriage, and all during this pregnancy, has said "Just don't worry. Let it happen, because it's going to do what it's going to do." That's been great advice. Stressing about every little detail on top of my exhaustion and poor diet just doesn't work for me.

Yesterday, Amanda loaned me these wristbands with little buttons on them. You wear them so the buttons press into your wrists, and are meant to help with nausea. I wore them yesterday, but I was eager to see how they'd work out in the morning, when its the worst. Before I even got up I put them on precisely as directed, and went about my morning routine. No nausea! But I realized that its not that simple. There's a layering effect, and below the nausea is this undercurrent. An unsettling feeling in my tummy, as if it's saying "Hey, I might not be tickling your gag reflex, but just you TRY and eat a banana." Below THAT is the stubborn food aversion. But I was so happy not to be almost blowing chunks that I made a bowl of cheerios, soymilk and a little bit of peanut butter.

I got about 3 spoonfuls before I had to push it aside. I was so glad to not be nauseous, but I realized it's not the nausea that keeps me from eating how I want to. So I ate a handful of Saltines and drank some water.

Tomorrow Kevin and I are taking the day off, so I'll start my day with yoga at the gym with Amanda, and then I'm determined to eat something healthy. We're going to the Yogurt Spot, a self-serve frozen yogurt bar with hundreds of toppings. Healthy toppings. Wish me luck!

A TMI Introduction

Hello, world. Fancy meeting you here.

 I come to you at a very interesting time in my life. I'm quitting my 2.5 year stint doing call center work, I'm nearing the completion of my Personal Training Certification, my best friend brother-in-law finally found love, and oh, I'm pregnant.

I'm even hesitant to say the word. I should be jumping for joy, but this isn't actually the first time. Unfortunately, things didn't work out and we lost the baby at 5 weeks in early November. You can understand my trepidation.

But on with the good stuff! I would guess I'm around 7 or 8 weeks. (If you're keeping track, yes, we got pregnant RIGHT away) It feels like an eternity, waiting to hit my 2nd trimester, and finally be able to breathe and start celebrating. But that's not what this is all about. This isn't a place for me to wallow in my fears, but to wallow in all the wonderful symptoms pregnancy has had to offer me. Let's be organized here:

Food Aversions: Hi, my name is Stephanie, and I lost 50 lbs by eating healthy and exercise. I LOVE fruits and vegetables. I avoid refined sugar, excess salt, "bad" carbs, and anything liquid other than water. Hi, this is Stephanie in week 7/8 of her pregnancy. All I can stomach are bagels, snickers, nutrigrain bars and ice cream. Just the thought of a salad makes me want to hurl for hours. Bringing me to my next topic ....

Morning Sickness: Do you know why they call it that? It's not because you're sick just in the morning, oh no. It's just that, since you don't notice the nausea while sleeping, morning is kind of the best label. Otherwise they'd just call it "Forever-all-the-time Sickness." From what I've heard around the watering hole, this wonderful side-effect should start to dwindle in the 8th week. But you'll still have ...

Hyper-Smell: This one has been a tricky side-effect. It hasn't actually been too persistent, but when it hits, it's bad. I remember opening the fridge the other day, and the swamp gas wall that hit me nearly had me turning tail and running. And don't even get me started on the dogs. I say we shave them bald and bathe them every 4 hours.

Fatigue: Also known as "sheer and utter exhaustion". Now, this has been pretty ongoing for a few weeks, but it's been fairly mild. My energy levels are lower, no biggie. But something happened in just the past few days. Perhaps its' my crappy diet, or the fact that I'm still exercising like nobody's business, but nothing could make me get off the couch/bed past 7pm. We're talking wobbly legs and out-of-breath-just-putting-on-shoes. I can barely keep my eyes open at 11am, and my chores have completely fallen by the way-side.

Honestly, I could go on and on. These are the most significant ones (unless you consider not pooping regularly significant), but I'm sure more will come along. I wanted to create this blog so I could look back and remember all the "fun times", and because I stupidly moved far away from my Mom several years ago, she can still keep tabs on my pregnancy. (Love you, Mom!)

I look forward to chronically my many adventures through the next several months, and grossing out as many people as possible.

Cheers.