Things have been going really well lately, and most of my fears have subsided. At my OB appointment last week, I got to hear the baby's heartbeat again, and the most exciting has sometimes been feeling the baby kick and move around!!! Its impossible to describe, but its amazing to experience. When the baby rolls or turns, it kind of feels like when your stomach drops out on a roller coaster, but on a smaller scale!
I still sometimes have moments of panic, but things have been smooth. Im in the "honeymoon" phase, and I mostly have heartburn and some back pain. But Im keeping up with my exercising, and eating healthy! I'm lucky to have such a helpful husband! He stays awake in the middle of the night when I have to pee, cuz I usually have bad dreams (thanks, pregnancy!), and get scared of the dark. Silly, I know, but its a big comfort.
So I have my next ultrasound in 5 days, and that's the day we get to find out the sex! As you can imagine, this has been the longest week of MY LIFE! So to pass the time, I decided to look at a few old wive's tales and gender predictors to see what the fates think it is!
Baby's Heart Rate - 140bpm = GIRL
Carrying the extra weight around the hips and bottom = GIRL.
Hair on legs is not growing any faster = GIRL
Carrying the baby low = BOY
Kevin's Birthday + My Birthday + Month/Year of conception = BOY
Feet are not colder than they were before pregnancy = GIRL
Kevin hasn't been gaining = GIRL
Morning Sickness early on = GIRL
Darkening of aereolas = BOY
Dramatic Chest Size Increase = GIRL
26 (age) + 11 (month of conception = 37 (odd number) = GIRL
Craving salty foods = BOY
Acne during pregnancy = GIRL
When asked to show hands, I show palms up = GIRL
Headaches during pregnancy = BOY
Development of red highlights in hair = GIRL (Ive never seen this myth until today, but I mention it because just on Sunday, Kevin and my friend Nikki were commenting on how reddish the tone of my hair is in the sunlight!)
Well, if the old wives have anything to say about it, we're going to have a girl!! Let's hope so!
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Apathy vs Insanity
Ive read quite a few baby blogs, and subscribe to Fit Pregnancy online, so that I can keep myself informed, and print out advice for the coming months/years. At one point, I read somewhere that if a woman felt apathy towards her unborn child, to seek her OBGYN about it. I assumed it was a psycological thing they'd want to work out.
I started to worry that I was apathetic. It's not that I really didn't care, I just had a hard time being excited all the time. I hear a lot of woman say they ate perfect, and sang to their belly, etc etc, but I don't feel like I pay all THAT much attention to the baby. Some days I'm even resentful, not necessarily at my unborn child, but in general that I can't focus on my hard workouts like I used to, and that I still suffer from food aversions, most specifically, vegetables. Sometimes I find myself thinking "As soon as I pop this thing out and get the go-ahead, and I can't WAIT to get back to the gym full force!" instead of "OMG BABY IM GONNA SPEND ALL MY FREE TIME STARING AT IT!" So I worried.
But over time I think I came to the realization that my "apathy" is a defense mechanism. When I see my belly get bigger, when I buy new maternity clothes, and geez, when I got to SEE him/her the first time, I was elated! I fantasize about being a Mom and the trials, the laughter, the diapers .... and I realize that between those feelings of elation, I hide behind my apathy in the event that something goes wrong. I used to think I was lucky, having only known about my first pregnancy for 4 days before finding out I had miscarried, because it meant I didnt have time to get attached. But because it all happened so fast, now I find myself realizing that anything could happen at a moment's notice, even tho everything is going just fine. I allow myself the moments of joy, and put up walls in between, because I feel the need to protect myself if my baby died.
Anyway, another issue Ive been facing is my growing belly. All my life, it was a struggle to hold my belly in. I was ridiculed for it. I had incredible ab strength because all through middle school, high school and college, I had perfected the "suck in", allowing me to look 5-10lbs lighter at least. I dont think anyone realizes how damaging and hard it is to grow up fat. Im still surprised when good looking people are nice to me. I feel like people only like me because Ive dropped the weight, and its all so convoluted. My worth = my weight. So now that my belly is growing, UNDER the pudge of my stomach that was already there, I could pass for 5 months pregnant. I usually try to hide it, and keep it under wraps, especially at work. But the other day I went to the mall, and I played it up. I have gotten into the habit of laying my hand on the top of my belly, or standing with my arms circling under it. The common "pregnant" postures. I mentioned it in passing to store clerks asking me questions, and asked a lady at a Boba tea place if tapioca was okay for someone like me (I actually didnt know!) It felt good to just let my belly show, but in the back of my mind I felt guilty, as if I were lying.
These are all just things that go through my mind, and this blog isn't so much the light-hearted thing I was planning on having, haha. But its a relief to just say whats on my mind, even if no one is listening.
Okay, on to positive notes!! My belly IS definitely growing, and not fat-wise, baby-wise! I've only gained 4-5lbs, and Im striving to be active and eat right. My schedule should be changing next week into sometimes I can really manage well, and get into a groove, especially with working out every day. I bought real honest-to-goodness red lipstick, and I wear it!
While at a maternity clothes place in the mall, I bought my first (and ONLY) maternity jeans, and a maternity bra, and asked to wear them out. The clerk and I talked and laughed for awhile, a good 10 minutes, before I was all set to go. I look in the bag, and see its empty. "Where are my clothes?" She asked. "Right here" she says, referring to the pile of my jeans and bra I had come in with. "No, the clothes I bought!" She laughed and said "Honey, you're wearing them!" ..... This happens all the time to me now, haha, and she assured me, as many others have, that its the baby, and that my memory will never be the same.
On a final note, Kevin has gotten into the habit of rubbing circles on my abdomen with his hand. The baby responds well to the stimulus (Ive yet to know 100% if Ive felt movement!), and it calms me as well. Sometimes I get terrified when I imagine trying to be a good Mom, but most times, Ill look over at him, and realize that he's going to be a great Dad, and I'm gonna be okay.
I started to worry that I was apathetic. It's not that I really didn't care, I just had a hard time being excited all the time. I hear a lot of woman say they ate perfect, and sang to their belly, etc etc, but I don't feel like I pay all THAT much attention to the baby. Some days I'm even resentful, not necessarily at my unborn child, but in general that I can't focus on my hard workouts like I used to, and that I still suffer from food aversions, most specifically, vegetables. Sometimes I find myself thinking "As soon as I pop this thing out and get the go-ahead, and I can't WAIT to get back to the gym full force!" instead of "OMG BABY IM GONNA SPEND ALL MY FREE TIME STARING AT IT!" So I worried.
But over time I think I came to the realization that my "apathy" is a defense mechanism. When I see my belly get bigger, when I buy new maternity clothes, and geez, when I got to SEE him/her the first time, I was elated! I fantasize about being a Mom and the trials, the laughter, the diapers .... and I realize that between those feelings of elation, I hide behind my apathy in the event that something goes wrong. I used to think I was lucky, having only known about my first pregnancy for 4 days before finding out I had miscarried, because it meant I didnt have time to get attached. But because it all happened so fast, now I find myself realizing that anything could happen at a moment's notice, even tho everything is going just fine. I allow myself the moments of joy, and put up walls in between, because I feel the need to protect myself if my baby died.
Anyway, another issue Ive been facing is my growing belly. All my life, it was a struggle to hold my belly in. I was ridiculed for it. I had incredible ab strength because all through middle school, high school and college, I had perfected the "suck in", allowing me to look 5-10lbs lighter at least. I dont think anyone realizes how damaging and hard it is to grow up fat. Im still surprised when good looking people are nice to me. I feel like people only like me because Ive dropped the weight, and its all so convoluted. My worth = my weight. So now that my belly is growing, UNDER the pudge of my stomach that was already there, I could pass for 5 months pregnant. I usually try to hide it, and keep it under wraps, especially at work. But the other day I went to the mall, and I played it up. I have gotten into the habit of laying my hand on the top of my belly, or standing with my arms circling under it. The common "pregnant" postures. I mentioned it in passing to store clerks asking me questions, and asked a lady at a Boba tea place if tapioca was okay for someone like me (I actually didnt know!) It felt good to just let my belly show, but in the back of my mind I felt guilty, as if I were lying.
These are all just things that go through my mind, and this blog isn't so much the light-hearted thing I was planning on having, haha. But its a relief to just say whats on my mind, even if no one is listening.
Okay, on to positive notes!! My belly IS definitely growing, and not fat-wise, baby-wise! I've only gained 4-5lbs, and Im striving to be active and eat right. My schedule should be changing next week into sometimes I can really manage well, and get into a groove, especially with working out every day. I bought real honest-to-goodness red lipstick, and I wear it!
While at a maternity clothes place in the mall, I bought my first (and ONLY) maternity jeans, and a maternity bra, and asked to wear them out. The clerk and I talked and laughed for awhile, a good 10 minutes, before I was all set to go. I look in the bag, and see its empty. "Where are my clothes?" She asked. "Right here" she says, referring to the pile of my jeans and bra I had come in with. "No, the clothes I bought!" She laughed and said "Honey, you're wearing them!" ..... This happens all the time to me now, haha, and she assured me, as many others have, that its the baby, and that my memory will never be the same.
On a final note, Kevin has gotten into the habit of rubbing circles on my abdomen with his hand. The baby responds well to the stimulus (Ive yet to know 100% if Ive felt movement!), and it calms me as well. Sometimes I get terrified when I imagine trying to be a good Mom, but most times, Ill look over at him, and realize that he's going to be a great Dad, and I'm gonna be okay.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Okay, fine, Im sick
Okay, I admit it. I have a cold. Ive been trying to deny it, but the runny/stuffy nose, sore throat, headaches and irritability are hard to ignore. At the very least, it never escalated, and I think its getting better. If I thought being sick sucked, being sick and pregnant is much worse.
My mood changes daily, but I dont know how much that has to do with hormones, or just my personality. I think Im having a hard time getting into a schedule. As it is, its like Im single. When I imagine cleaning the house and cooking, I do it for Kevin. But with my work schedule right now, I dont really get to see him until 8:00 every night. Theres barely time to eat dinner, relax and spend time together, let alone show off my hard work, or cook a great meal. I like my job, and its really not a big deal, but I think its making it harder for me to get into a routine. My biggest problem is being lonely during the day, then since Im feeling down, I dont have the motivation to clean, and then I feel guilty, etc etc.
I wish that cleaning was a hobby for me, almost like it is for my Mom. Her house is always gorgeous, she sees every crumb, and knows a hundred ways to get out a stain. I want to be like that. But I can't find the passion.
Another big problem is that Im starting to resent not being able to eat and exercise like I was before. I miss the intensity, and Im terrified Ill never find it again. I cant even remember how to eat anymore, its like a fog. I miss cooking, but I cant remember what I used to cook. Its crazy!! I guess I just feel lost. No, thats exactly it. I feel lost. I dont know what to do with myself. Im aware that I have all this free time, but I dont know how to use it. I wander around the house in a daze. People tell me things and I forget the next day (Im told this is due to the pregnancy).
I dont mean to just complain. My life is good, and its just in an awkward place right now, that's all. I want to move forward, instead of wallow. Im considering getting a coffee pot, or a french press. I want to MAKE a routine for myself. Get up early, have a cup of coffee and walk around the block. Come home, shower, make a GOOD breakfast. Oatmeal. Yogurt. Fruit. Check my email. Do my kegels. Do 30 minutes of chores. Read for 30 minutes. Do another 30 minutes of chores. Eat lunch. On the days I work mornings, I'll do the same, but save the chores and stuff until after work. I think I need to start working out at home. Jog around the neighborhood, do my weights there. I want to make workout routines again.
Okay, Im gonna make positive changes. I hate wallowing and feeling sorry for myself. Ive always adjusted to change really well.
On Sunday, Im meeting a new friend for the first time. Im pretty excited, we have a lot in common, and she doesnt live to far. Wish me luck.
My mood changes daily, but I dont know how much that has to do with hormones, or just my personality. I think Im having a hard time getting into a schedule. As it is, its like Im single. When I imagine cleaning the house and cooking, I do it for Kevin. But with my work schedule right now, I dont really get to see him until 8:00 every night. Theres barely time to eat dinner, relax and spend time together, let alone show off my hard work, or cook a great meal. I like my job, and its really not a big deal, but I think its making it harder for me to get into a routine. My biggest problem is being lonely during the day, then since Im feeling down, I dont have the motivation to clean, and then I feel guilty, etc etc.
I wish that cleaning was a hobby for me, almost like it is for my Mom. Her house is always gorgeous, she sees every crumb, and knows a hundred ways to get out a stain. I want to be like that. But I can't find the passion.
Another big problem is that Im starting to resent not being able to eat and exercise like I was before. I miss the intensity, and Im terrified Ill never find it again. I cant even remember how to eat anymore, its like a fog. I miss cooking, but I cant remember what I used to cook. Its crazy!! I guess I just feel lost. No, thats exactly it. I feel lost. I dont know what to do with myself. Im aware that I have all this free time, but I dont know how to use it. I wander around the house in a daze. People tell me things and I forget the next day (Im told this is due to the pregnancy).
I dont mean to just complain. My life is good, and its just in an awkward place right now, that's all. I want to move forward, instead of wallow. Im considering getting a coffee pot, or a french press. I want to MAKE a routine for myself. Get up early, have a cup of coffee and walk around the block. Come home, shower, make a GOOD breakfast. Oatmeal. Yogurt. Fruit. Check my email. Do my kegels. Do 30 minutes of chores. Read for 30 minutes. Do another 30 minutes of chores. Eat lunch. On the days I work mornings, I'll do the same, but save the chores and stuff until after work. I think I need to start working out at home. Jog around the neighborhood, do my weights there. I want to make workout routines again.
Okay, Im gonna make positive changes. I hate wallowing and feeling sorry for myself. Ive always adjusted to change really well.
On Sunday, Im meeting a new friend for the first time. Im pretty excited, we have a lot in common, and she doesnt live to far. Wish me luck.
Monday, March 8, 2010
Ch-ch-ch-ch-chaaanges
Hello, blog world. I feel like I neglect to update, but it doesnt seem like much is going on it baby world. I guess I'm (im)patiently waiting for my next U/S on April 5th.
I'm growing slowly every day, but it seems to be taking forever! It seems like most people would want to stay "normal" for as long as possible, but Im excited to have a for-real baby bump! I'm envious of those that started out skinny, so the bump is really obvious! Anyway.
The bump is strange, like a pressure, but I like it. Im getting some 'round ligament pain' every once in awhile, nothing too bad! Most of the obvious changes are my (sorry, this is a TMI blog!) breasts. Of course they got heavier, bigger, but one thing Ive noticed most is that the shape of the nipple itself has changed! I like it, it makes me feel like Im preparing, haha. And the ducts are formed, or whatever you want to call them. Other than that, Ive just been breaking out a lot more!
So after a weekend in Galveston with Kevin's family, I decided I needed to stop being so lazy with my health. The weather, and the fact that I can't work out like I used to, has kept me from really focusing on staying healthy. I eat pretty good, but I still dont really like food. Nothing appeals to me besides string cheese and popcorn, haha. But just because Ive still got my food aversions doesnt mean I cant eat really good, and make meals! So today I went to the store and got stuff for crock-pot meals. I'm gonna cook on Sunday or Monday, and keep enough for the week, so we can eat healthy without as much effort. Im gonna also make some home-made granola bars, and start recording my food again. I feel like Im not eating enough! I'm only gained 3 lbs so far, which is good.
The second step is creating workouts every day, and not just winging it! Im gonna keep up with my cardio, but Im gonna start creating strength workouts too. And doing kegels TWICE A DAY!!! I feel motivated. I want my baby to be healthy, and I want to be in good shape to lose the baby weight afterwards!
So, thats pretty much it! Kevin and I are going to a wedding back in San Diego in late May, and Ill be about 28 weeks, 7 months! Im excited because Ill surely have a nice bump by then for everyone to see.
I'm growing slowly every day, but it seems to be taking forever! It seems like most people would want to stay "normal" for as long as possible, but Im excited to have a for-real baby bump! I'm envious of those that started out skinny, so the bump is really obvious! Anyway.
The bump is strange, like a pressure, but I like it. Im getting some 'round ligament pain' every once in awhile, nothing too bad! Most of the obvious changes are my (sorry, this is a TMI blog!) breasts. Of course they got heavier, bigger, but one thing Ive noticed most is that the shape of the nipple itself has changed! I like it, it makes me feel like Im preparing, haha. And the ducts are formed, or whatever you want to call them. Other than that, Ive just been breaking out a lot more!
So after a weekend in Galveston with Kevin's family, I decided I needed to stop being so lazy with my health. The weather, and the fact that I can't work out like I used to, has kept me from really focusing on staying healthy. I eat pretty good, but I still dont really like food. Nothing appeals to me besides string cheese and popcorn, haha. But just because Ive still got my food aversions doesnt mean I cant eat really good, and make meals! So today I went to the store and got stuff for crock-pot meals. I'm gonna cook on Sunday or Monday, and keep enough for the week, so we can eat healthy without as much effort. Im gonna also make some home-made granola bars, and start recording my food again. I feel like Im not eating enough! I'm only gained 3 lbs so far, which is good.
The second step is creating workouts every day, and not just winging it! Im gonna keep up with my cardio, but Im gonna start creating strength workouts too. And doing kegels TWICE A DAY!!! I feel motivated. I want my baby to be healthy, and I want to be in good shape to lose the baby weight afterwards!
So, thats pretty much it! Kevin and I are going to a wedding back in San Diego in late May, and Ill be about 28 weeks, 7 months! Im excited because Ill surely have a nice bump by then for everyone to see.
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