Okay, fine, Im sick

Okay, I admit it. I have a cold. Ive been trying to deny it, but the runny/stuffy nose, sore throat, headaches and irritability are hard to ignore. At the very least, it never escalated, and I think its getting better. If I thought being sick sucked, being sick and pregnant is much worse.

My mood changes daily, but I dont know how much that has to do with hormones, or just my personality. I think Im having a hard time getting into a schedule. As it is, its like Im single. When I imagine cleaning the house and cooking, I do it for Kevin. But with my work schedule right now, I dont really get to see him until 8:00 every night. Theres barely time to eat dinner, relax and spend time together, let alone show off my hard work, or cook a great meal. I like my job, and its really not a big deal, but I think its making it harder for me to get into a routine. My biggest problem is being lonely during the day, then since Im feeling down, I dont have the motivation to clean, and then I feel guilty, etc etc.

I wish that cleaning was a hobby for me, almost like it is for my Mom. Her house is always gorgeous, she sees every crumb, and knows a hundred ways to get out a stain. I want to be like that. But I can't find the passion.

Another big problem is that Im starting to resent not being able to eat and exercise like I was before. I miss the intensity, and Im terrified Ill never find it again. I cant even remember how to eat anymore, its like a fog. I miss cooking, but I cant remember what I used to cook. Its crazy!! I guess I just feel lost. No, thats exactly it. I feel lost. I dont know what to do with myself. Im aware that I have all this free time, but I dont know how to use it. I wander around the house in a daze. People tell me things and I forget the next day (Im told this is due to the pregnancy).

I dont mean to just complain. My life is good, and its just in an awkward place right now, that's all. I want to move forward, instead of wallow. Im considering getting a coffee pot, or a french press. I want to MAKE a routine for myself. Get up early, have a cup of coffee and walk around the block. Come home, shower, make a GOOD breakfast. Oatmeal. Yogurt. Fruit. Check my email. Do my kegels. Do 30 minutes of chores. Read for 30 minutes. Do another 30 minutes of chores. Eat lunch. On the days I work mornings, I'll do the same, but save the chores and stuff until after work. I think I need to start working out at home. Jog around the neighborhood, do my weights there. I want to make workout routines again.

Okay, Im gonna make positive changes. I hate wallowing and feeling sorry for myself. Ive always adjusted to change really well.

On Sunday, Im meeting a new friend for the first time. Im pretty excited, we have a lot in common, and she doesnt live to far. Wish me luck.